The Issue of Anger and Control

Lesson 8

We are in a season where God is doing something new in the earth.

In Is. 43:19 He says, “Behold I will do a new thing;  now it shall spring forth. Shall ye not know it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”

God is talking here about a making a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert places in our lives.

These dry places, where there is no life, are often the result of hurts and emotional wounds in our souls.

I believe this is a time in which these issues are being spotlighted by the Holy Spirit, so that we can have Him bring healing to our souls.

When people are hurting they find it very difficult to forgive and this becomes the hindrance or blockage in their lives which cause them to be bound by the enemy so that they can not move into the “new thing” that the Lord is doing.

I have noticed that anger, control, frustration, irritation, skepticism, cynicism, faultfinding and jealousy can usually be traced to such hurts.                 

Once you find out what the origin of these symptoms are, it is easier to deal with it and to receive healing and restoration so that you can move on without hindrance.

I have found that when a person experiences a situation which is threatening to his/her feeling of security, emotionally traumatic and against their will, they feel powerless to change it and unable to stop the train of events. Because they feel violated, they can develop a deep anger and resentment against the people involved, or even against God. The heart is then hardened for self-protection. We could call it helpless anger. This anger could explode at times when a similar situation is experienced, feeling out of control.

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ROOTS OF REJECTION, STRIFE, CONTENTION AND DIVORCE

Children growing up in a house filled with strife and contention feel unloved and uncovered. Since children love both their parents, they feel threatened and insecure and because they cannot change the situation they often become angry and resentful and even rebellious. 

Continual strife and contention or divorce bring great emotional devastation to both parties concerned, as well as to the children born out of that marriage. That is why God hates divorce.   When a man puts away his wife, the Word says that he covers violence with his garment.  (Mal. 2:14-16.) Violence is a violation of another’s personhood. Divorce therefore brings a curse on the whole family, passing on a spirit of violence to the children. The children will experience the emotional trauma of the divorce in a sense of loss of belonging, loss of security and loss of covering.  In their helplessness to change the situation which they feel threatened by, they might revert to fornication, promiscuity or pornography in an attempt to find “comfort”. Others might turn to drugs, alcohol or food addiction in an attempt to escape the reality of their trauma; others might vent their helpless anger against the people dearest to them. Some might become perfectionists to keep things "under control", causing rejection and rebellion in those around them, because they cannot keep up with their standards. 

In the process these victims of emotional trauma will often become controlling, losing their temper the moment they feel emotionally threatened or out of control. They might even use abusive or vile language or on the other extreme become evasive of confrontation and unable to make decisions. They will be inclined to procrastinate and will find it difficult to communicate their true feelings or desires out of fear of misunderstanding and further confrontation.  

As soon as they feel out of control, they will lose their temper, be easily provoked, irritable, frustrated and angry. They will often feel grumpy, impatient, unfulfilled, unsatisfied, restless, sensitive to noise, emotionally turbulent, critical, judgmental, cynical, suspicious of other people’s intentions or motives, keeping record of wrongs, jealous and comparing themselves with others; often feeling lonely and isolated in the midst of loved ones; often feel as though they are not appreciated, valued or truly loved for who they are; often feeling as though they are being taken advantage of.

Anger, resentment and bitterness go together, causing hardness of heart. This usually causes the person to become controlling, sometimes in the most subtle ways of manipulation and intimidation. Because this becomes their way to stay "in charge" so that things do not go "wrong", they often wouldn't admit to being controlling.

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HIDDEN RESENTMENTS AND ANGER - HOW THEY SURFACE AND HOW TO RECOGNIZE IT IN YOURSELF AND IN OTHERS

Sometimes hidden anger and resentment surface in the form of sarcastic jokes or cynicism, but if you listen closely to what comes out of your mouth, you will recognize it. Be careful not to brush it off, but take it to the Holy Spirit, asking Him to uproot it and to heal you.

Physical aches and pains and sickness and disease are often the result of underlying anger and resentment.

Many with a history of divorce or continuous exposure to contention, strife and discord will also find it difficult to commit themselves in a relationship, out of fear of repeated hurt. 

When confrontation does come in a relationship, they will either withdraw in non-communication (still-stupor) or become aggressive.  

Some might even develop a fear of having children of their own.

Being angry and unforgiving towards others will inevitably cause people to be stuck, not able to get breakthrough in their lives - being discontent, frustrated, impatient, irritated and easily provoked.  

Anger can be very "hidden" and "masked" by causing the person to turn inward. 
Symptoms are: Withdrawal, passivity, lethargy; sometimes depression (out of a feeling of helplessness).

A person suffering form "masked" anger will not easily trust another's motives, often comparing themselves to others (finding themselves falling short), be judgmental and critical, go into isolation, feeling that they don't belong or fit in and that nobody loves them.  They live behind masks of fake friendliness (a show of godliness without power), but inwardly they are unhappy and unfulfilled, living with an evil eye of suspicion towards others and distant from God.

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Remember, anger is mostly the result of feeling incapable of changing a situation which is out of the person’s control.  This can be for example through:
a)    Losing a loved one through death, betrayal, abandonment or divorce or being abandoned by a parent or loved one

      b)  “Losing” a child’s affections through rebellion, waywardness, offense, etc.

        c) Sexual, emotional or physical abuse  

      d)   Growing up with or living with a controlling person, who deprives you of your freedom to be who you are (then becoming a controller yourself)

      e)    Divorce of parents or having been divorced

      f)     Living with a spouse that is not fulfilling your expectations

      g)    Having lost money through deceit, injustice or unrighteousness;  or struggling financially.  
      i)  Having been falsely accused of something they didn't do, suffering injustice through wrong assessment of a situation.
i    j)  A person living under pressure to perform will in time resent those who put them under pressure - be it parents, your boss or even your spouse.  Rebellion will result.
j    k)   Sometimes people live under condemnation for some sin they have committed, being angry at themselves, feeling like a failure.  Jesus paid the price for all sin by dying for us, shedding His holy sinless blood for us on the cross.  By receiving His forgiveness by faith through repentance, we can forgive ourselves fully - no longer be in the prison house of the enemy.
k   l)  Having been disappointed in and by others - not having their expectations fulfilled. 


      Anger and frustration because of financial struggles can actually block your breakthrough into abundance, because of constant focus on the issue of lack (and having resentment either against someone or indirectly against God).  
      Murmuring and complaining is often the result of lack, which takes you out of the blessing of God because we forget to be thankful for the blessings we do have.

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      THE BOTTOM LINE EXPOSING THE TRUE ROOT OF ALL ANGER 

      a Testimony of my own victory over Anger (Elsabe Briers-Bakkes)

       I grew up with very strict parents, always feeling as if I was "under the eye" of judgment, although I never doubted that I was loved.  In myself I never experienced fear, but the fears of others were always trying to restrain me from expressing who I was, especially regarding my creativity and I felt "boxed-in".  

       

      The result inevitably was rebellion, resentment and anger.   

      I found myself with an uncontrollable anger that would explode as soon as things didn't go my way.  All my own efforts to control it were to no avail and time and again I would repent, asking the Lord to forgive me and vowing never to explode again, but in vain.

      By God's grace through a powerful encounter with the Lord, I came to full surrender of my self-life, self-efforts and self-power. 

      Then the test came:  One of my children took my car without permission and "burned" the clutch by towing a much bigger vehicle.  I felt the anger rising up in me again, but this time I recognized it and spoke softly under my breath, saying to myself, "Remember, you are dead.  It's no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me" (Gal.2:20)  

      Immediately the anger died down and I was calm and collected, but the test was intensifying when my son's friend lied to me about the car (Lying was something I couldn't handle, because it spelled betrayal).  Again I applied the Sword of the Word, "reckoning myself dead to sin and alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord" (Rom.6:11).  Again the anger died down and I was calm.  But now I knew I had to address the issue with my son.  I knew in my own strength this was going to turn out into a big clash, so I declared my dependence on God and asked for Wisdom.   God gave me the words and strategy that touched his heart and he immediately said that he was sorry.  This happened by God's great grace and in total peace.  I stood in wonder!

      I FOUND THE KEY TO MY VICTORY!  IT IS DEATH TO SELF!   That was the end of anger.  I was tested again, but this monster was already conquered completely by denying my "self".          

      If we look at all the reasons for anger (above) it all points to the self that wants to be in control.

      Reckoning ourselves dead to sin, walking in the power of the Spirit, will always give us the victory through Christ Jesus!  

      My greatest enemy was not anger, rejection or anything else but "self"!  Praise God for His grace that delivered me from my self by the power of His cross and brought me into the abundant life of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Ghost!  Hallelujah!

  

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Forgiveness is the key that will unlock your healing and your freedom and even though it seems at times to be the most difficult thing to do, we need to ask the help of the Holy Spirit to bring us pass this obstacle.

If you recognize anger or control in your own life, come before the Lord, repent, surrender control, renounce anger and put your trust in Him to set you free and restore you completely to live the abundant life of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.

Go through the process of forgiveness and repentance, releasing those around you from having to fulfill your expectations. Release every issue of hurt in your life to the Lord and know that the Blood of Jesus will heal you and set you free.  Also remember to forgive yourself, embracing love!

Now put your trust in God and give Him full control of every facet of your life and those of your loved ones.  In short:  Surrender all!

 He can do far above what you can pray, think or imagine - only believe!

God wants to bring healing, restoration and divine recovery of what the enemy has stolen in our lives. Ask Him to expose the roots underlying your areas of struggle and follow His leading into wholeness through forgiveness, repentance and healing prayers.

Review Lesson 4 and find the healing prayers here.
If you still have trouble with anger, feel free to contact me via e-mail.

DECLARATIONS:  It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.

"I have been crucified with Christ [that is, in Him I have shared His crucifixion]; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body I live by faith [by adhering to, relying on, and completely trusting] in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me."  Gal.2:20 Amplified Bible.